From “Heartwounds” by Dr. Tian Dayton: how can counselling help ?
“Clients who succeed in therapy exhibit or acquire certain qualities:
(1) they are able to self-reflect – that is, they look at their own thinking, feeling, and behaviour and have enough emotional distance from their self-identification so that they see themselves realistically.
(2) They take their own good advice and live by it rather than spending valuable time and energy digging trenches, then sitting in and defending them.
(3) They identify what they are feeling and articulate it to themselves and others, which gives them the ability to face the pain of loss.
(4) They identify their issues and live with a realistic rather than an idealized view of themselves, and when life hurts they are able to own their issues and work with them.
(5) They cope with loss by calling it by its correct name, and move through the emotional turmoil of a grieving process.
(6) They separate the past from the present, which allows them to live in today without sabotaging it with unresolved, unfinished business from the past.
(7) They find meaning and purpose in their struggle, which is how spiritual transformation and growth take place.
(8) They use life struggles not only to get through, but to grow, thus deepening and strengthening their relationship with life and self and others “